To be or not to be...Tales of an ISD phone call, snow days and kale!

My friend D called me up today. It has been quite some time since we last spoke for this long or spoke at all, actually. And then she told me something that made me very happy, for her and for my own selfish purposes. Before I say what she told me, I will provide a little back story for those who don't know her.

D, when I worked with her, never got angry. She never criticized people and tolerated just about anyone. She also seemed to have an infinite capacity to spend time with a boring/vicious/hypocritical person and never say a word against them, even behind their back. Where we feared to tread, she rushed in. This often puzzled me. After all, there has to be a threshold but it seemed D was above all of that. She belonged to the school of "there's-some-goodness-in-everybody" and "people-will-treat-us-how-we-treat-them." Even if people mistreated her, she was just as good to them as could be. Probably, a female Ned Flanders of sorts.

Today she told me that she has let go -- of these expectations that she and others have of her and she has learnt to be what may be called "imperfect." She said trying to please and be good to everyone was tiring. She's relieved and says her life seems much simpler when she lets reactions take their natural course. She doesn't try to like anyone who intentionally annoys/gets on to her nerves. I pondered over her words and put them up as my Facebook status --

‎"You do not want some people to like you because you don't like them either so stop being nice to all of them."

Another friend, H questioned the above wisdom and asked, "Wouldn't that reflect on us?"

H, here's my two cents. First of all, who's judging us? The image that we hope to cultivate through being nice to the people who intentionally hurt or are malicious in some way, what good does it do? We internalize the hurt and the feelings, trying to process them in a way that does more harm than good.

For example, somebody is mean to me without me having to instigate anything. I hear the words and then probably the next day or two are spent in processing why it happened. I try explaining to myself why the other person might have done it, the hundred reasons behind his/her behavior. I try to put my hurt away and not acknowledge it. The next time I meet the same person, bam! He/she does it again and there I go, yet again.

D acknowledged to having done all of that. I'm sure many who read this have tried all of the above, too. But, the cycle never seems to stop. Shouldn't we just acknowledge:

• that we give some people more credit than they deserve.
• there really might some very vicious people out there.

The above don't apply to all and loved ones totally deserve all the time and effort one puts into them. The above conversation is applicable to all the so-called expendables (an acquaintance, distant relatives, etc.).

On a separate note, no office today again! I tried calling up the boss and he wouldn't answer. I needed something approved by him and wasn't sure he was in office to do that; hence, I didn't go. The roads are still covered in slick and ice. The husband and me are bored so we are still contemplating whether a trip to Starbucks would be worth the risk. The temps are as low as -17 deg Celsius.

Another disaster was me revealing my plans of cooking kale soon. Kale is like spinach, only has more nutritional worth than anything else. But, I could see why that would flip the hubby off. Until I was responsible for two people eating healthy, I pretty much did that every single time I saw a green vegetable. Now I know what my mother went through raising us.

It's funny how you slowly become your mother, even when you swore you won't.